THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"

THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the
bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child
collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
 
 
 

QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?

 

ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are
actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship,
 in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E

Never Argue with a Woman!

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, ( thinking , 'Isn't that obvious ? ')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.  

 

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing I'm reading'  

 

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.  I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
 

'For reading a book,' she replies ,
 

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,
 

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
 

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.  I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
 

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault ,' says the woman.
 

 

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
 

 

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
 

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

 

MORAL : Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

   
 

 

Self Appraisal..................

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a  store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the  conversation: 
 
Boy                : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? 
Woman         : (at the other end of the phone line) "I  already have someone to cut my lawn." 
Boy                : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than   the person who cuts your lawn now." 
Woman         : I'm very satisfied with the person who is  presently cutting my lawn. 
Boy                : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor  and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman         : No, thank you. 
 
 With a smile on his face, the little  boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this,  walked over to the boy. 

Store Owner       : "Son... I like  your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a  job." 
Boy                      : "No thanks, 
Store Owner       :  But you were really pleading for one.
Boy                      : No Sir, I was just  checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is  working for that lady I was talking to!"  

          This is called

         "Self  Appraisal"

 
  
 
The  difference between dream and aim,  

 
Dream  requires Soundless sleep to  see  
 
 
Whereas Aim  Requires Sleepless Efforts to Achieve.. ........  

Relationships........

Relationships


The best relation ever is between two eyes,

“they blink together”

“Move together”

“Cry together”

“See together”

“Sleep together”

“STILL” they never see each other directly

“BUT” “when they see a girl” one will blink and other will not!!


“MORAL OF THE STORY”

A Girl can break any kind of relationship.

How good r U at chemistry?

Q. Which weapon can u make by c0mbining Potassium, Nickel and Iron?


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Ans: KNiFe.




Still confused?

See the Explanation:


Chemical symbol of Potassium = K,

Nickel = Ni

and

Iron = Fe.

So,


There combination is
'K Ni Fe'

How good r U at chemistry?

Q. Which weapon can u make by c0mbining Potassium, Nickel and Iron?


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Ans: KNiFe.




Still confused?

See the Explanation:


Chemical symbol of Potassium = K,

Nickel = Ni

and

Iron = Fe.

So,


There combination is
'K Ni Fe'

Mafia Godfather and the book-keeper

Mafia Godfather and the book-keeper


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

The book-keeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"


The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer: "Well, what'd he say?"

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(The reply is classic, scroll down to find out)
















The lawyer replies "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

End of the year gifts.........

End of the year gifts


It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

English a funny language

English a funny language


An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:-

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact Estimate

3) Small Crowd

4) Act Naturally

5) Found Missing

6) Fully Empty

7) Pretty ugly


8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies


And the Mother of all......


11) Happily Married

So you think you are Smart..............

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So you think you are Smart

So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."

OK, relax, clear your mind and... lets begin. Don't scroll down until you have the answer and dont cheat!

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1. What do you put in a toaster?

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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.


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2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?


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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.

If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.



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3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass," then! go on to Question 4.



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4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)


Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany.

Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germanyor in "no man's land"?

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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,

you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.


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5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.

In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.

In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?


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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU! Read the question carfeully


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Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.


(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!)

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Realistic laws that Newton forgot to state...................

Realistic laws that Newton forgot to state - (aka Murphy's Law)



LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.



LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.



LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.



LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.



LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.



BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.



LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.



LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!



LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.



THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The pebble and smart thinking.....................

The pebble and smart thinking



Many years ago in a small Indian village, A farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The Moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful Daughter. So he proposed a bargain.



He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the Proposal.



So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black Pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.



1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.



2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.



3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.



They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As They talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he Picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two Black pebbles and put them into the bag.



He then asked the girl to pick A pebble from the bag.



Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have Done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you Have told her?



Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:



1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.



2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag And expose the money-lender as a cheat.



3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order To save her father from his debt and imprisonment.



Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with The hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral And logical thinking.



The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with Traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses The above logical answers.



What would you recommend to the Girl to do?



Well, here is what she did....



The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without Looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path Where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.



"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I Picked."



Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had Picked the white one, and since the money-lender dared not admit his Dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.



MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution. It's only that we don't Attempt to think.

New years and my resolutions..............

While I'm not always the best at keeping resolutions, I'm consistent, and I'm sure this year will be better than ever before, see the progress I've made and a very Happy 2010 for you all



RESOLUTION #1:

2004: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2005: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2006: I will read 5 books a year.
2007: I will finish The Pelican Brief
2008: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2009: I will read at least one article this year.
2010: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2:

2004: I will get my weight down below 75.
2005: I will watch my calories until I get below 80.
2006: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 85.

2007: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2008: I will work out 5 days a week.
2009: I will work out 3 days a week.
2010: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.


RESOLUTION #3:

2004: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2005: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2006: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2007: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2008.
2008: I will be totally out of debt by 2009.
2009: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2010.

2010: I will try to be out of this country by 2011.


RESOLUTION #5:

2006: I will get married this year.
2007: I will stop looking at other women.
2008: I will not get involved with my GF.
2009: I will not let my new GF pressure me into another marriage.
2010: I will stop looking at other women.

Good bye mom....Good One!!!!

Good bye, Mom....

It looks like a sad  story...but do continue reading to the end...Its a lesson to learn..................

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I

noticed an old lady following me around.  Thinking nothing of it, I

ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but

she got in front of me.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel

uncomfortable. It's just that you look like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," I said to her, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mom?' It would

make me feel so much better."

"Sure," I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it.

As the old woman was leaving, I called out, "Good Bye, Mom!"

As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $1027.50.

"How can that be?" I asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.